アメリカの大学から、Letting Go について
息子が、アメリカの大学に入学しました。
入学式、なんていうものはないようですが、「親のためのオリエンテーション」が2日間で4回あり、好きな時間帯に出席できます。学生数が多いのですね。また、親たちに向けて、学校からのお知らせメールなど次々メールが来るのです。やっと読む時間ができて今読んでいたら、最初に「Letting Go」=手放す、子離れ、について、という長いメッセージから始まりました。
College is a time of change and transition for both you and your student. Your student may deal with these changes through mood swings and ambivalence. Being prepared for these changes can sometimes ease the process; the sudden shift from being involved in your student’s plans to not being a part of their day-to-day lives may be jarring and cause a feeling of loss or helplessness. It can be both a liberating and unwelcome change.
大学入学が、アメリカでは子育ての終了、というか、子どもが独立する時なので、その感情の揺れへの対処の仕方として次のようなTIPS(秘訣)が書いてあります。・・・
Tips to help you cope with the loss of control as your student leaves for college:大学入学で離れて行く子どもへの喪失感への対応方法
・ You will always have a parent-child relationship, but try to build an adult one as well. Keep in touch through phone calls, emails, video calls, letters, and care packages (most students are excited to receive mail!). Let the student have some control in these interactions to allow them a sense of independence.
=ずっと親子なんだから、電話やメールで連絡して。でも子どもも「自立」を実感できるように。
・Congratulate yourself in helping them get so far. Recognize that the foundation you have set for your student over the years will accompany and support them through their college life and later years.
=今まで育ててきたのだから、自分を褒めてあげましょう。
・Reassure your student that you believe in their abilities, and that they will be fine on their own in college. Allow your student to make their own mistakes. Take pride in their confidence and successes. Help them view so-called ‘failures’ as opportunities to learn and to increase resilience.
=子どもを信じて。失敗を体験することも子どもの成長。見守りましょう。
・Don’t draw out goodbyes; remember that you will see them again before long!
=大げさな別れにしないこと。だってすぐに会うのですから!
・Focus on the things you enjoyed doing before your student began college. Some parents fill their schedule with new commitments solely to occupy themselves. It’s probably best to do things you wanted to but may not have had time for earlier. Focus on yourself or other family for a while.
=何かに没頭するなど、好きなことに時間を使いましょう!
・Try not to feel guilty if you adjust to your student being in college before or after other parents do. Everyone is different and takes their own time, and this in no way reflects on the quality of love you have for your student.
=子離れが早くても遅くても大丈夫。人それぞれです。
・Finding your own healthy life balance will help you from being overly emotional. If you are miserable every time you talk to your student, he or she may feel guilty or sad and, in some cases, may avoid talking to you.
=健康なライフバランスを! 親がメソメソしていると子どもも話したがらなくなりますよ。
・ Limit any other major changes in your life for a while until you can feel stable and adjusted.
=心が安定するまで、他の生活での大きな変化は起こさないでいましょう。
・If you have other children at home, try to avoid using the college student to set an example because this may make them feel devalued.
=兄弟と比べないこと。
・Students sometimes seem to be different after some time in college. Try not to judge the quality of these changes, however permanent or impermanent. Let your student enjoy the widening of their world view and altering of thoughts since that is an essential part of the college experience.
=大学に入学すると子どもが変わった、と感じるかもしれません。それも大学生活の大切な体験の一部です。口出ししないこと。
・Talk to other parents to validate your feelings and get emotional support.
=他の親たちと話をして支え合うのもいいです。
・・・・どこの国も、同じですね。
私は、中学3年で子どもが海外に出たので、大学入学・海外寮生活について、大きな変化と感じていなかったのですが、これを読んでいて、逆に、なんだか寂しくなってきてしまいました:笑
いよいよ、子どもが大人になっていくのですね。
Posted by kaorisasaki1 at 10:45│
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